4: How I Met Your Mother

Prompt #4 is to re-write the ending of Cinderella, only with the shoe fitting one of the "icky stepsisters."

Once upon a time, I was employed by a certified lunatic. He's a prince, he's even the prince, but he's a lunatic. The man doesn't have the sense God gave an earthworm.

I know, everyone thinks he's a trend-setter and a creative genius, but he's nothing of the sort. If he weren't the prince, they'd lock him up. You've surely heard about the time when he wore his socks on his hands, and then everyone wore their socks on their hands, thinking it was the newest thing. But it wasn't the newest thing. The man honestly forgot how to put on socks.

Working for him could have been quite lucrative. The man would give me ten crowns, ten whole crowns, to buy a flower for his hat. Every week, he asked me what my salary was.

He probably sounds pathetic, even pitiable, but he's nothing like those poor unfortunates who sit on the street corners and rant nonsense. I'm convinced that he could be a responsible, even educated member of society, but he chooses not to. And, as the hands-in-socks thing shows, he's even rewarded for doing idiotic things.

Which is why I wasn't all that surprised when he called me into his chambers one morning with another daft idea.

"Roderick," he said, even though my name is, as you know, Edward, "I believe that I must marry."

"Yes, sir," I said. "Do you have a woman in mind?"

"I need a woman?" he asked.

"It is customary, sir," I replied.

"Then we should find a woman, Enrique," he said. "Are there any around?"

"Many, sir," I replied.

"Well, bring them all here," the prince said, "and I will choose."

"All of them, sir?" I replied.

"Why? Is that a problem, Ferdinand?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," I replied. "For one, many of them are already married."

"And I take it that I cannot marry a woman already married?" the prince asked.

"It is frowned upon, sir," I replied.

"Is there anyone else I shouldn't marry?" the prince asked.

"Your cousins, sir," I said.

"I don't like them anyway," the prince said. "They can do... " (and here he lowered his voice to a whisper) "... math."

"Well, then, sir, might I suggest a royal ball," I said.

"I know!" he shouted. "Let's have a royal ball! And invite all the unmarried, un-cousin women here, and I'll get married to one of them."

And, so, we had a royal ball. And you know the story about how this one girl named Ella was supposed to be kept at home while her disgusting sisters went to the ball, but she had a fairy godmother and got to go anyway.

You probably also heard that the prince fell in love with her while she was there.

That part is not entirely true. He did notice her, and danced with her many times, but that is principally because I, the prince's manservant, kept pointing him toward her.

The prince wasn't in love. I was.

Ella was the most beautiful woman there, and she was witty and smart and did this little thing with her nose when she told a joke that was just plain adorable. She danced as if she were made of music. The prince saw none of this, but I did.

And then, when midnight came and she ran away and lost the one glass slipper on the stair, it was I who suggested that we must find the girl.

As the prince's manservant, I got the prince to think of assigning me the duty of finding the girl who fit the slipper.

You'd think after dancing with her all night, that the prince would have a good memory of what she looked like. I, for one, would never forget her. Still, he could not even remember the color of her hair or the name she'd given him.

Now, shoe sizes are not like fingerprints. Lots of young women fit the shoe, but I was looking for Ella. I went to village after village, house after house to find her.

When I finally arrived at Ella's house, her ghastly stepsisters tried to hog all my attention.

Still, I saw Ella, peeking out from the kitchen, and my heart was alight.

I asked for water, and Helga, one of the stepsisters, bid Ella (she called her "Cinderella") to bring it.

Just as she brought it, I dropped (well, tossed) the slipper, and it slid across the floor. The stepsisters and their mother ran to fetch it, giving me a moment.

"You're Ella, aren't you?" I asked.

"And you're that charming Edward," she said. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Would you like to live in the castle?" I asked.

"Do I have to marry that buffoon?" she asked.

"No," I said, just as the other women returned.

With much ceremony, I proceeded to try the slippers on each of the stepsisters. Helga's foot was just about the right size.

She married the prince, and brought her stepsister as her servant. Only, I made sure she didn't have to suffer Helga's company too much.

Court life being what it was, Ella and I got to spend a lot of time together. In time, we found employment elsewhere, with a certain fairy godmother. We got married, had you and your siblings, and we all lived happily ever after.

Copyright 2012. Timothy H. Ruppel. All rights reserved.

This work by Timothy H. Ruppel is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.